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my body wants to sink
my mind wants to be blown out
my eyes want to cry
but most of all
i want not to want.
my mind feels like
a million pounds
like my body floating
and no one is around
want friends, but cant trust no one
want "true" love but know i cant find it
something or someone may seem perfect
but in the end, the mirror is knocked down
its all nothing more but an illusion
something run by our minds
something i'd wrather not feel.
but pain, pain is nothing
pinch, poke, shoot me 32 times
maybe it'll hurt, i bet you i wont cry
life is pain and pain if life
no one sees whats behind closed doors..
DIENG SOULS:
we're dieing souls
here to die in a world unkown
we're the black flames
that lights the trees on fire
without ignition
run, day by day
nothin to do, nothin to play
sit and cry, feelin like shit
end it, fuck it
im just a dieing soul.
spell it wrong
spell it right
aint gettin no where
not to fuckin night
walkin in circles
with no place to go
nothin to do, but rot
and die as a living soul..
BLACK FIRE
lost in a world of death
burning in fire
our souls are the flame
no one is there, yet we scream
dont see hope,
thinkin we cant cope
so we smoke up more dope
drink more beer,
just to get away from ourselves
death is our fear
yet we're already diein
burning in a black flame
and we cant believe
that its happening to us
decaying flesh
falling of the floor
scream for someone,
but they take one look at you
and walk out the door.
its like feelin emptyness in your heart
and you dont know where to start
its like being alive
only ur dead
its like bein cold
only your warm
its like liein
but not really liein at all
its like bein close to someone
but they aint close to you
its like lovin
only they dont love you too
its a little like
havin a bestfriend
who understands you
and you get upset
but they forgive you
but they think you've changed
but you aint changed one bit
its like laughin
but your really just cryin
its like smilin
but your really jusy dyin
its like living
only your dead
its like having someone so close to you
but they aint close to you at all
IRONIC
its like looking at the stars
and pretending theyr there
counting them and smiling,
just pretend.
its like forgive and forget
because you feel so alone
so damn cold,
its like, you wanna feel something
that you cant, because its hard to believe
its like sayin that u can see magic,
but you dont believe it
its like rotting on the ground
only it feels good
its like, something that dont make sense
but you can feel the words
its like your happy, and dont want to leave
but its just not there...
WALKING IN EMPTYNESS
i dont walk a path but an empty road of confusion where the sky is green and the grass is blue, where no man dares to walk. i dont walk a path, but fly in the sky. no path is right and no path is wrong. and ill walk where ever life takes me. nothings right and nothings wrong because in life, there will be places we never see and places we see all the time and in these places, we will place many mistakes, one that we will regret and others that we dont. and if do make mistakes, we forget them, we regret them, we laugh about them. poeple think that there is one path, good or bad. no such thing, because in life, you will walk many roads. many roads in which you will walk in confusion. maybe confusion, will be the death of you. people fear death, what is death? but an illusion. an illustion because our spirits walk the earth or move on. people look for perfection, what is perfection, but an illusion. what is perfection without a blemish on you're face, without beauty. you can be the ugliest person in the world, and someone will always think they're prefect. i dont walk a path, but an empty road of confusion. where the sky is green and grass is blue, where life is nothing more, but an illusion. to truths, and lies. to mistakes and perfection. nothing more, but an illusion.
SCARS:
staring at scars
staring at the past
seems kinda pointless
dont it?
to scar your own body
keep em forever
and when you look at em
they're still bleeding...
she dances in his head
thoughts of words of nothingness
wishin they'd mean nothin
but they aint gonna just go
hold onto the dancing shadow
and smile back
one day, we'll be one again
one day, we'll be eachothers, more love to gain
one day, we'll be one
our souls will intertwin
one day, we'll be whole
be happy, be happy
dont frown, turn it around
dont cry, im here
maybe no there, but im here
and i .. and i wont leave you
for a long time
she dances in his head
like snow on a rainy day
lookin forward to nothing
but another dreamless night
watch her dance in the shadows
as the tears roll down
still wonderin, where this dancin girl
is gonna lead you
one day, we'll be one again
one day, we'll be eachothers, more love to gain
one day, we'll be one
our souls will intertwin
one day, we'll be whole
be happy, be happy
dont frown, turn it around
dont cry, im here
maybe no there, but im here
and i .. and i wont leave you
for a long time
she dancin in his head
he cant let go,
its just another thought to dread
another thought to remember
memories to remember
dont wanna get hurt again
but want her love to heal your heart
once again
one day, we'll be one again
one day, we'll be eachothers, more love to gain
one day, we'll be one
our souls will intertwin
one day, we'll be whole
be happy, be happy
dont frown, turn it around
dont cry, im here
maybe no there, but im here
and i .. and i wont leave you
for a long time
GREEDY BITCH
dont tell me that you care
im sick of hearing lies
done hearing you bitch
bitch about ties you cant untie
aint no one's fault but your own
pissed cuz you cant even get your own
walk by yourself, i let your hand go
honestly, i hope you fall in a lake and drown
i just wanna drown out reality
maybe drink a beer or smoke some pot
get high on life, scare away reality
but i aint gonna be like everyone else
i wont let my drugs get to me
this is who i am and i see the addiction
in everyone else.
does any of this shit make sense?
probably not because you poeple aint got no fuckin sense
i had enough of this bullshit
you bitch, and when your not your probably bitching
at your self, regreting what you did
what you said because one person is mad at you
and when i call you a name, it USED to feel wrong
now i smile at myself because i know i aint doin you wrong
my words are true i fuckin hate you.
i didnt think itd come down to this
i thought i had ar sister
more then a fuckin dream
more then smoke cloudin my brain
more then just a fuckin dream
a dream i cant even run after.
your smiles are fake
and when you ask me whats wrong
imma look at you with my blood shot eyes
and tell you, go crawl in a hole and die
like you always said you wanted to do
this world is fuckin shit
and honestly, i have love inside a' it
but i cant take this fuckin shit!
its eatin me up inside
and im sick a' hidin
hidin somethin thats bein choked up
scowl at myself, at you
cry like a fuckin puppy
back to the matter at hand
you aint no man
your just another fuckin moronic bitch
that cant find shit in life
that has values right in front of your face
love, right inside of your heart
TOO FUCKIN GREEDY SO YOU TEAR IT APART
whats so scarey about facin the facts?
aint gonna go away
and when you think it did it'll fuckin hit you right back
i know how it goes why wont you listen to me?
why wont you get that reality is more then a fuckin dream
words so harsh, words so deep
words i dont fuck a fuck about if i dare to speak
if i say somethin imma mean it
aint gonna fuckin say sorry
cuz i had enough of it
and bitch, get this, i had enough of your shit.
If it be the will of many than I begin to sin again
and if it be the sorrow of all than I shall pray for soul again
if I see tomorrows light then we maybe we shall dance
and if it be my will to fight then I will bring the sunrise stance
how do I forget what I need
how do we forget what we don't see
how do I forget what I can't see
I know now it's all in front of me
if it be your crying eyes
know that I realize
if it be my body breaking
know that I feel forsaken
how do I forget yesterday
how do we hold on to tomorrow
how do I forget all the empty sorrow
I know it's just another day
if it be me and you forever
show me how the sun shines in your eyes
POEPLE
this world is nothing more
then money and greed,
people having poeple
giving birth to evil seeds
war goes on, its all selfish acts
for money, we ruin poor people's lives
and no one can deny it,
its all over the news.
we all know it, just wont accept
well a lot of facts.
this isn't the only problem
in our society, stupid people
moronic poeple, poeple in the system
this world is nothing more,
then selfish acts for money.
what are we to do?
the nice poeple carrey on
with the nice, stupid with stupid
hey look at what im doin
stereotypin. poeple say
they're not judgemental
selfish, nor greedy
but we all cant face the fact
we all have a few faults.
we're all stupid, judgemental
selfish, stereotypes, and greedy
in our own way. all addicted to something
we just dont say.
life will go on, but one day
we'll be nothing more
but dust in the wind..
i sit here and drink
always drunk, dwelling
on someone i can never have
alcohol, my life turned into something
she hates so much, cuz her daddy
does the same thing but what i am to do?
im just a boy, that will never grow up
with a broken down heart, face holds that puppy look
where can i find my filling? where can i find my love?
where can i find a love, to give me a reason to live again
where can i find a real life, where i dont want death?
where i dont wanna blow my brains out, shoot myself in the head
why is it that i need a love to keep my heart going
deep down i know life has more to offer
yet i still need a reason to keep going
and the reason is already gone
so can someone love me? love me for who i am
no matter the distance and no matter the man
no matter the love, and no matter what else life
has to put between us? can someone give a reason
to put down this alcohol? so many questions,
so many still unanswered so many reasons
yet my heart is still bleeding
sit here, drink another beer life is nothing
and still, life has nothing more to offer
then death. and the funny thing is,
i look in the faces of my friends and family
and i ask myself why am i always drunk
why must i always drink my problems away?
if my drinkin causes so much problems
why cant i stop? i love you all, dont get me wrong
but the one thing thats always had my back is a cold beer.
and still, all i ask for is a real fufillment. am i selfish?
am i stupid? 17 year old boy, addicted to alcoholism
cant get mad, cant stay glad inless im fallin down a flight of stairs
stupidity is what they call it, addiction is what they say,
call me stupid, and i could care less.
so many things to say, too many words to say outloud
too many thoughts to drown it out, without alcohol
i just wanna die, can you answer me why?
can you tell me why, im so mad at myself
for something i've done all my life?
the slightest thought, still i think of you
always in my dreams, thoughts and nothing more
you are beautiful like the morning sun,
peacefull, playfull like a puppy dog
give me a reason, ONE reason why
that i should stop, and think about WHY
give me a reason, ONE reason why
i should stop and think, dont tell me
because its stupid, dont tell me because IM stupid
dont tell me. i want a real reason, one reason WHY
i should stop my slow suicide.
I wonder where today will take me
how long it will be before I see
the light so far off in the distance
keep goin on will all the resistance
ever after seems so far away
tomorrow's just another day
I've been down on my knees and prayed
I've been out on my own in a way
no one knows how long I've suffered
just livin' live get's a little rougher
can't explain this need for you
some how hope you feel it too
if in the end it just won't be
I can only hope you'll forgive me
for the bad times and the good
know that I did what I could
and if you find a smile through this
I hope you know your heart I've missed
I thirst and there is a drop of water in an oasis
I hunger and there is a crumb of bread on a table
in need of time and one grain of sand left in the hourglass
I need love and there is none to be found
I fall hard with out making a sound
I pick my self up and find the strengh to carry on
my body yet weak, my spirit still strong
blind yet some how I see the light
I know the struggling diffrence between wrong and right
Comin' down can be so hard
when you can't seem to find your way
I've fallen from grace and been blind to all that can be offered
now I drown my self in waste and wiskey yet another day
In the rain my pain will wash away
in the rain I'll find my new day
in the rain, it will make it all new
in the rain, I'll be thinkin' of you
There is some thing so soothing when each drop falls
to taste it to touch it to remember or recall
a vision of past be it good or bad
when it all comes down, takes me back to times I've had
In the rain my pain will wash away
in the rain I'll find my new day
in the rain, it will make it all new
in the rain, I'll find my way to you
So near yet so far
gone yet in my hands
in my heart and always with me
can't be blind now that I see
the light wich you have shown me
my addiction my drug
the one I'm dreamin of
my addiction my unconditional love
Hard Rain
rain come down outside my window
I'm dreaming of the fall
broken leaves crubled beneath my feet
your taste like october bitter sweet
a chill in the air with a slightly warm breeze
here I am walkin in this hard rain
with nothin in my life to show
seasons change like people
I'm dreaming of you and me
arms wrapped around each other in silence
not even a whisper could we speak
a breeze blows through my window
and I find it hard to breath
let it come the rain and wash away the pain
let it come the rain and help me to stay the same
let it come and shine on me that hard hard rain
Silent are the stars, how they shine on high
silent are your tears for me, baby please don't cry
aloft I drift alone down this empty street of dreams
please forgive me now silent are my screams
alone again I know you now
alone again I've seen it some how
alone in the rain let the pain wash away
alone and cold I'll be here some day
Quiet my voice, silenced by the sound
quiet my heart, beating in time with the merry go round
whiskey my comfort, my love, I will drown
my sorrows and pity till I do not hear a sound
alone again I know you now
alone again I've seen it some how
alone in the rain let the pain wash away
alone and cold I'll be gone some day
I sway I shudder my emotions uncovered
I sway I shudder my heart now dust covered
I'm unclothed and undone, unsure and unsung
I'm lost here and dead here, where have I begun
If it be the will of many than I begin to sin again
and if it be the sorrow of all than I shall pray for soul again
if I see tomorrows light then we maybe we shall dance
and if it be my will to fight then I will bring the sunrise stance
how do I forget what I need
how do we forget what we don't see
how do I forget what I can't see
I know now it's all in front of me
if it be your crying eyes
know that I realize
if it be my body breaking
know that I feel forsaken
how do I forget yesterday
how do we hold on to tomorrow
how do I forget all the empty sorrow
I know it's just another day
if it be me and you forever
show me how the sun shines in your eyes
if it be my body ache's for your touch
know that I will always remember you as such
how do I forget the same old ways
knowin' now I live just for today
how do I want the sun to rise
knowin' now I have no more suprise
hate me bend me brake me take me
it is what it is
twist me turn me make me yurn for the
I give what I give
is it you is it me
I'm so blind I just can't see
I'm so numb I cannot feel
I'm so dumb can it be real
so it seems what do I see
nothing more I can speak
It's all takin over me
this life of tradegity
it's all more than I can take
feel these memories when I wake
Love me, kill me, consider me dead please
I've forsaken my own personal misery
can't give up, yet I give in
knowing not my personal sin
such is mine, It's all with in
It's all takin over me
I was too blind but now I see
another false reality
what is left what used to be
I have hesitated wasted away alone for to long
I have gone astray my words wasted on the young
I have nothing left to say, think I'll just fad away
down the highway, across the fields, far away from me
I see it now, at last I glance into the setting sun
I see your eyes wide with wonder just because of one
I see right through me, waiting to fade to grey
lookin back now I see a distant memory of what I used to be
I don't know any more why I waited
I am not sure why I hesitated
I have nothing with out, and I've been a mess from the start
what have I done to my bleeding heart
you are every thing and any thing
you are all that is me
you are all that I belive
you are concience and reprieve
what am I but nothing
what am I but disbelief
what am I I do conceced
what am I now nothing
I hold my head above the water
I drown my self in sorrow
I yearn for more of yesterday
I hold my head, lay back and pray
you and I the only ones
who see that tomorrow never comes
you and me we beg to see
a future lasting, some thing not seen
moving on a waste of life
mine is yours, a tainted fight
on and on I follow
wishing on a better tomorrow
bring you one sunny day
bring me more happieness with pain
bring it on I fight for more
bring it true my faith no more
My head falters
weak and weary in a haze
brilliant shots of pain caress my soul
as if anguish wash not enough to endure
my thoughts wander
My thoughts wander, My head falters
leaving no room for doubt or anxity
only pain and anger are my allies now
repressed for so long it feels of an eternity
my soul blisters
My soul blisters, My thoughts wander, and My head falters
leaving a burden of no ambition
empty now this place I once knew as a dream
I grieve for a sand of time to stand still in the hour glass
waiting for one more yesterday with you
here and now is gone and peace has sought a home
Oh the silence of sleep
here it is
another day i waste on a dreaded breath
another day to wait for a great fuckin death
another day to sit here, think about the pain
drink another beer, drink it all away
i hope to see you soon
but i wish my life a new
i wish yesturday would never come
please let my heart come undone
here it is
another night without sleep
another night i cut my wrists so deep
another night to wait for death in my sleep
just another night, to dread the next day
no, i cant be happy, but what am i to say
i hope to see you soon
but i wish my life a new
i wish yesturday would never come
just start a new life
end it with lots of blood
let this nightmare go,
oh yes let my soul slip away for good
Burning Cigarette
it hurts to smoke
hurts my lungs
i know i would quit
i've tried, shit drives me nuts!
take another long deep drag,
hear the burning of the tabcacco
feel the warm smoke fill you up
feel it tear your lungs apart,watch the thick cloud culd in the air, smell its stale scent, watch the block ring around the coal. lookat it and feel the chemicals enter your body,
yes, watch it burn away
its burning your life too,
put it out, stab it out,
you'll be put out, smoked out,
just like you smoked that cigarette.
you drop that last pack, clutch ur chest that burning cigarette just smoked you.
Whats what
what are these words
put together in a sentence
these words that have meaning
yet we dont know what we're looking at
each tiny word has its own
whats what? said together.our alphabit makes no sense.
we all use it in bad sentences, these "death" thoughts kill us and the happy ones always seem to make us smile. yet we all know in our own hearts, we're all gonna die, decay and wonder ... whats what.
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